Feeling festive?

I will openly admit, in recent years, I have become a bit of a scrooge when it comes to Christmas.  I love Christmas, I just don't like the build up to it.  I can not stand that we have to endure advertisements for it from about early August.  Literally kids have not even gone back to school and it's like 'Order your turkey now in time for Christmas!'  I should hope it would be bloody in time for Christmas,  Halloween hasn't even been by that point, come on!

It is at this time of year where the chill in the air only really motivates you to curl up on the sofa in front of a roaring fire and snuggle up to a loved one, be it your partner, family member, flatmate or your new fleecy reindeer hot water bottle(!)  Why is it then, that University's and institutions decide that it is also at this time of year where you will have main assessments and exams?!  Boo hiss boo.  Of course it does make sense within terms of the calendar year and all that, but I'm convinced evolutionarily, that we are meant to go into a state of hibernation.  Which by today's standards, means a mulled wine and Christmas stuffing coma.  Yummy.  

Max guarding the tree and presents! :-)

I hadn't really been feeling Christmassy at all until today.  Maybe it was the soothing classical music of carols that permeated the air in Starbucks whilst I was enjoying my cinnamon topped Chai? Or maybe it was finally caving and buying myself an advent calendar after not receiving one in the post as of yet?...not that I'm bitter or anything(!)  Or maybe it was the crude yet delightfully 'naughty but nice' display in the Ann Summers front window?  Who knew Santa could be that sexy?! Nevertheless, I'm really getting into the spirit now!  I'm so excited to go back to the Cotswolds and see all my friends from home, catch up on everybody's life stories with a glass or two of wine, as well as forcing my dog to wear his novelty reindeer antlers-cruel I know, but he looks SO cute!

I really hope you all have a good break from whatever it is you're doing and make the effort to spend some quality time with your families or loved ones. Recent events for me personally have taught me to never take them for granted...even if it's hard to thank your grandma for the thousandth time due to her short term memory loss for the lovely woollen socks she got you, which in fairness are some of my favourite gifts now! I love getting a good pair of posh socks...what the hell is happening to me?!

Love and festive cheer to all.


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Do you feel safe going out clubbing in Kingston?

Before starting university at Kingston two years ago, I spent the majority of my life in a very rural, quiet and idyllic village tucked away in the Cotswolds. I craved the hustle and bustle of a life in a city where I could just be an anonymous face in the crowd. Wander up and down streets in and around London with no one knowing my name and no one knowing anything about me. You see at 'home home', everyone knows my name, details on my family and how I like my tea. Black no sugar thanks very much(!) You physically can't avoid bumping into someone you know whether it be your GP or the milkman, or those neighbours who's floral arrangements displayed proudly in their front gardens, trump those of your parents on an annual basis. Much to their disgust. That's about as much 'drama' or friction that occurs in our village.

Unsurprisingly, my parents were quite worried that I'd decided to go to the largest, busiest and most alien city in the country. Inhabitants of Broadway, Worcestershire will tell you that living there is like being in a protective bubble. In fact, David 'The Hoff' Hasselhoff has just recently purchased a property there, and I can assure you the number of his personal assistants or security guards will outnumber the local police constables by about 1 million to 1. Our police station is only open once a week, and when it is open there is often a sign on the front reading: 'Back in 20 minutes', I suspect it is not crime they are fighting at this time, but a serious operation of tackling a bacon sarnie from the local delicatessen. Om freaking nom. This is quite simply because where I live there is a very low crime rate.

On a very serious note however, the deeply saddening incident that occurred in my local and very popular nightclub 'Oceana' in the early hours of Thursday the 25^th October, involving a young man named as Jamie Sanderson being stabbed in the cloakroom area, has come as a cruel reminder to me that, the city I now live in, is not as safe as it perhaps could be. Perhaps, I am biased as this is just down to the fact that I compare it to the previous environment I was used to?! I would also like to stress, that I am not in any way suggesting that crime does not happen in rural areas, of course it does. Largely, I admit, there are a lot less security measures such as CCTV cameras in these areas, which may in turn lead to members of the area feeling more vulnerable. However, an incident at the UK's busiest nightclub equipped with some 90 CCTV cameras along with metal detectors and a 'recently installed ID capture scanning system' failed to avert the incident before it became fatal.  (Information sourced from Oceana Facebook page).  

Clearly the presence of CCTV cameras are not everything. I am not trying to point the blame towards the members of security staff at the club or their measures, as we can not be sure of all the factors to consider before a serious and extensive inquest has been carried out. Pointing the blame at anyone or anything that is not directly linked to the perpetrator(s) of this shocking crime will not bring Jamie back. My comments and feelings on the matter are not intended to offend or upset anyone who feels affected by this incident or anyone who has been through similar incidents in the past. I am deeply sorry if they do. I just feel this enormous sense of responsibility in light of what has happened to encourage a heightened sense of awareness of how we can all minimise risk to ourselves as students when we go on a night out in Kingston or indeed other areas of London.

We have the right to feel safe wherever we live and need to understand that unfortunately often things happen that are outside of our control. Please stay with your fellow students and friends on a night out and ensure that no one is ever left on their own and so are not at more risk of being more vulnerable. This is true of both men and women, and sadly I am guilty of this and will often wander off on my own to go to the loo or get myself a drink as I have done at 'home home' as I just don't think of the danger I could potentially be putting myself under. Simple precautions like making yourself aware of the whereabouts of exits and security staff, carrying a mobile phone with you and always alerting staff as soon as possible of any suspicious or violent behaviour could help us to minimise the risk of horrible incidents like these happening again.

What do you think? Do you always feel safe going out as a student in Kingston? Do you believe we should be made more aware of the potential dangers of going out clubbing in general?    

Path into the unknown...

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a dancer.  As a child, I would spend hours in my bedroom in the reflection of the windows at night creating movements to popular songs at the time.  Sometimes I would even sing and make up the songs myself and then dance along to my probably inane humming whilst trying not to wake anyone in the house up.  It felt like a secret when I was in there creating things.  I was in my own world and no one could judge or laugh at me, and I felt damn good.  That's why I have always danced.  For that feeling of release, like getting something off your chest.  I guess in the same way as when a toddler throws a tantrum and works themselves up and gets tired afterwards.  It's kind of a cleansing process, getting rid of all of the negative vibes so that you can start again.  Like the feeling you are supposed to get after crying, except I have never got that really, I always feel sick, stupid and weak afterwards.

I have never actually told anyone this, but when I'm annoyed or upset at something, I dance.

I tend to put loud music on and flail my arms about wildly in my room, getting rid of the bad energy.  It has always worked for me until quite recently, when I experienced the realisation that actually I don't think I can be a professional dancer when I grow up anymore. And it sucks.  Really bad.  I wish I didn't have this idea in my head from such a young age, why couldn't I have had a different dream? A more realistic one that wouldn't hurt so much now?  I found out the answer to this one whilst sniffling and being pathetic down the phone to my boyfriend...'Because life isn't always getting what you want, dreams don't always come true.'  WHAT?!  All these years I've been watching Disney movies and fairytales and have always thought that if you truly want something and you work bloody hard, you can get it in the end.  Turns out you can't always.  It's a very lucky few who do.  Well, that's a bit shit.  So what am I meant to do? Do I just give up altogether and choose a different path?!

Apparently not.  Here's the beauty of it, all these years I've just felt so career driven, thinking that ultimately I wouldn't ever really die happy if I didn't achieve all my goals in being the next big thing on the West End.

Me, flailing wildly and being happy.  :-)

Yeah, so what?!  This has maybe been a bit of a late realisation on my part; due to maybe being naive and stuck in this vicious, horrible, self-loathing cycle and refusing to accept that I can't always have things my way, but it turns out you can achieve happiness by being on a path surrounded by family, friends and loved ones.  Cheesy I know, but this is the information I gleaned from an amazing woman I was interviewed by recently.  Just because you might not end up making money off your passion, does NOT mean you can't still pursue it and do it in different contexts and situations.  I'm still ALWAYS going to be the girl who is first on the dance-floor in an inebriated state or not, and dancing will still make me feel good and be happy.  I guess this way I just get to eat a few more pies and not have to worry about the repercussions.  Now I am not saying give up on your dreams or aspirations, because if you did, you'd be a bloody boring person who never stuck up for anything they believed in.  No one wants that.  Where would we be if Martin Luther King stood up to give his speech and said, 'I have a dream...but it's probably not gonna work out so....'  No.  Just no.

We need dreamers in this life.  I guess I'm just saying, don't beat yourself up so bad if they don't go EXACTLY how you planned them.  At least you gave it a shot.  As the saying goes, I would rather live my life knowing I tried for something and maybe didn't get it, than never trying and never knowing.  Don't play the 'What If...?' game with yourself, and losing your mind on a trivial error when everything you could have ever REALLY wanted is maybe curling up on the sofa with a glass of wine and a good book, surrounded by the people you love.  Or, hitting smashville in that club you go to with the mates you wouldn't change for the world.  Here's to the path into the unknown, with the people you'll never forget...

Help! I don't want to grow up!

Bro and Me. After my phase of stuffing crayons up my nose(!)

Is it just me, or is everyone going on about weddings & scary grown-up things at the moment?!

I mean, I'm 21 and although I am in a long term relationship and have been for nearly 5 years- (yes, I feel queasy too!) there seems to be this overhanging pressure to start 'thinking about my future', and that what matters in my life now, may not matter as much in ten years’ time, 'when you will have probably had two children dear and be forever bone tired.' Right well umm what if I don't know if I want that right now, I mean can we give my brain and womb some time to think this over?! This obviously starts the whole Bridget Jones notion of accepting a life of 'spinsterhood and eventually be(ing) eaten by Alsatians’--it's not fair! Can we not all just stay the lovely, and devoid of responsibility age of five and watch The Muppets and shove crayons up our noses for a large portion of the afternoon instead?!...at least, that's what I was doing at the age of five, insert your own appropriate variation if you prefer.



Just earlier this week, my boyfriend and I went for an informal but nice meal at the restaurant I work at on one of my evenings off, and numerous colleagues joked and teased that ‘The ring is hidden in the Pavlova love!’ You see the thing is, because we’ve been together so long and are obviously comfortable with one another; we seem to have been in the line of fire recently with jokes of any upcoming engagements or plans for children. Awkward. Now if I were a particularly sensitive soul, I would have excused myself from the table and hidden in the loos sobbing from sheer embarrassment. Luckily, the boyf and I managed to see the funny side and got in our banter zones and gave hopefully as good as we got. Does this mean I want jokes on whether I may or may not be getting married in the foreseeable future to continue? Hell no! I feel as though I’m being expected to grow quicker than what is natural. Like someone throwing a sodding watering can full of emotional growth ‘Miracle Grow’in my face and saying ‘Ha! Take that. You will want to do these things now because it will make me happier.’ Deep breath.



Now, I've never been to a wedding...that's right, NEVER, and apparently this is some sort of atrocity. I'll be honest, I do feel a little left out. I mean do these people who are cropping up having weddings everywhere just intentionally making me miss out on all the fun of the bumbling best man speeches and the forever over-marzipanned cake? Yes, I've decided that over-marzipanned is an acceptable phrase. God I hate marzipan. Or, is it that I am just on the cusp of a decade of receiving invitations to numerous of my friends’ weddings because I am 'at that age', where people will be inevitably starting to settle down and turn into beige wearing, serious adults, with like proper jobs and faster cars, and like mortgages. I'm still not 100% certain what a mortgage is, but I know I have to get one at some point. This uncertainty scares me.



I should mention that I am not adverse to most of the things I have just mentioned apart from the mortgage sorting out thing and becoming serious…or ever, lord help me, being a beige wearer. However, you may be shocked to understand that I am quite traditional in terms of love and the declaration of it publicly when both adults are ready with the whole stable marriage thing. I do not believe that it is ‘just a piece of paper’, but have absolutely no qualms with the people that do. People should do what makes them happy, and I’ve never been one to say no to the excuse of having a massive celebration! What I do have a problem with is the sense of pressure I know for a fact many women of my age are starting to feel in terms of being told to do all of these things quickly, whether in a relationship or not. This pressure comes from rom coms, friends, family and then sometimes just the fear of ending up alone. Many girls do not want to feel that they are in a permanent state of collecting dust on a shelf through not being in a relationship, but equally do not want to feel hurried into anything drastic. Give us balance puuurrlease!



Call me crazy, but is it not okay to just feel that a lot of us just need to simmer down a tad?! I can only speak on behalf of my own feelings on the subject obviously, and in contrast to perhaps my psychotic and premature reservations, there will be a lot of women who are massively excited to reach these (for me) dizzying mature heights where growing up and doing all these crazy things like marriage and children is fabulous. And that’s great! In fact, I truly am a little jealous of your serene attitude to growing up and your composure. It’s just not me, not yet. 

On speaking to fellow KU students on the matter, the general consensus was that people did feel pressure to grow up too quickly.  Nayiri Keshishi, 3rd Year Law student commented on how she felt '...there is a certain pressure on people around our age to conform and behave in the 'right' way...'.  Where others I spoke to commented on the age at which we selected certain subjects at school and how we were expected to know what we wanted to do in life from this young age, for example GCSE'S.

Let me be the girl who will watch Disney way past the point where it’s socially acceptable for me to do so. Let me make the infantile mistake of eating too many jelly beans before a roller-coaster ride, then seeing a repeat of the colours of the rainbow as it were on my free-fall down the tracks- vomcano, followed by people telling me, ‘I told you that was a bad idea’. Yup. So totally worth it though. Screw you guys, I’m going to go win a teddy bear…